Lost in translation?

We have all been in a situation when we have absolutely no idea what the person next to us is trying to say. You may be on holiday, trying to do a foreign business deal, be in a dream, trying to complete a university degree, the possibilities are endless but the outcome is often the same. We either nod and pretend like we understand or we run in the opposite direction of the conversation, although I would not recommend this at the moment due to this ice which I am sure would lead to falling over. I have to say that the English (being English I can make this generalisation without fear of persecution, I hope anyway) have developed an extremely entertaining way to deal with Johnny foreigner and that is to speak very loudly and slowly in English and hope that the meaning will be understood. Often we just get looks of complete bewilderment in response. For anyone witnessing a scene like the one described I would suggest buying some popcorn and watching, as usually it is fairly amusing.

Another method of communication that we British citizens resort to is the mime. It is a common belief that if you gesticulate enough when speaking the other person will understand exactly what you say and that in no way, shape or form will you resemble a windmill which is trying to fly whilst buying a hotdog. Another method of communication, which although fruitless is again fairly amusing, is continuing to speak English but in the accent of the person you are conversing with. For example if you are trying to communicate with a French person you just mimic the French accent whilst speaking English. Communication is not actually possible but this does ensure that passersby have a jolly good giggle!

One way to make the person you are talking to believe that you can understand, even if you don’t, is to find the translation of the word yes in the target language and then proceed to respond yes to anything this person says. Obviously this method is no good if you are trying to talk about something important and it can often go wrong especially if you end up selling your daughter for eight camels because you have replied yes to their offer. First of all where would put the camels and secondly I am fairly sure that said daughter would be fairly upset about being swapped for camels. I have however personally witnessed the benefits of this method. Whilst I was on holiday with my family in Germany we went to an outdoor swimming pool. Now none of my family can speak German, although I can state that I have bathroom and I also know the word for rabbit. Neither of these are particularly interesting or useful. My brother however makes friends with a young German boy and disappears off with him for most of the day. Every time we look over at them they seem to be chatting away happily so we left them to it. It soon came to leaving time and I was chosen to go and collect my brother, I managed to catch a small amount of their conversation. When I say conversation what I really mean is that the young German boy was just talking at my brother who was nodding back. They say goodbye and my brother and I walk away. When asked what they had been talking about my brother replies that he has no idea and proceeds to tell me that he has not understood a word of what the young German boy has said all day. It turned out that my brother had merely nodded and said “ja” all day and the small German boy had continued to talk believing that my brother could speak German.

An internationally renowned method of communication is the phrase book, which has its problems as we have all seen in the famous Monty Python sketch with the Hungarian to English phrase book. In which the Hungarian phrase “can you direct me to the station” is translated into English as “please fondle my buttocks”. As amusing as this is it is not particularly helpful if you actually do want to find out where the station is. Or whatever else you are looking for!
Seemingly the best thing to do is to just learn the language mind you that has its own problems which I will consider at a later date.